Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
