Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
