Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
