Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
