so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
