he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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