If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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