remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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