I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
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How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
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I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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