Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
