It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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