"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
