A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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