i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
