I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have grass duct taped all over my body
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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