Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why can't burritos get me drunk
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
