I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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