Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
