so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
