I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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