He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
