I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
