Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have already put on my inside pants.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
