I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
wow bdsm is so cute
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
