I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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