I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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