I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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