he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
