Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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