walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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