wakey wakey hands off snakey
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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