i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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