yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
