Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
