well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
