sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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