Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
