feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
