Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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