Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
