All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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