boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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