When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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