your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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