I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
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I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
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I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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