i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
