do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
