bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
