After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
