I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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