I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
