This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
