Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
