my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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