I hate all girls vehemently.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
