from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
