I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize