i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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