you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
foreskin is a definite game changer
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
