I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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