You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
